I love first time recappers. Here’s Crunchy with her first one for team Chronos. You’ve heard of the ReedCaps. Well, how about this:
ahem, i’ve never written a recap before. so be gentle pls. i do not plan on churning the salt pot as one julia kumbha johnson does. anywho…
WELCOME TO THE CRUNCH CAP FOR ALL YOUR SUMMER LEAGUE DEEEEETZZZ!
On the second night of the third week of the sixth month in year two thousand seventeen nowhere near the expected starting time at the twentieth hour (thats right look at that 24 hour time), took place a battle of the frisbee kind between Chronos, GOD OF TIME, and Hera, QUEEN OF THE GODS.
for real tho, this was a pretty dope matchup. Lots of fun, just your typical pick calls and a few fouls here and there. However, while the intensity maintained a fun and spirited level, the plays on the field were FUCKING SAVAGE!
THE SAVAGE REPORT:
CHRONOS’ ERIC FUCKIN SIEGEL (thats right thats his middle name!) COMIN IN HOT WITH A CALLLAHANNNNn! *air horn* *air horn* *air horn*
yeah i meant to put that lower case n in there, don’t hate.
DUSTY, coming to Chronos for the first time this week, CAME IN CLUTCH WITH SOME FIRE DEEP D’S, THROWIN OUT THE BAIT AND REELIN THE LINE BACK IN FOR THE ULTIMATE DEFENSE SAVAGERY
CAPTAIN TAT, also the self proclaimed BUDLIGHT BANDIT, stepped up to SAVAGE LEVEL this fine evening DRIVING DEEP FOR THE BIG HUCKS! REALLY MAKIN THE HERA QUEENS WERK (but not in a Beyonce #Flawless kind of way, more like the we only have 4 girls I’m tired as shit from running kind of way — props to Hera for making it thru) BUT MIGHT I NOTE, HIGGGGGHHHKEYYY TAT WAS TRYHARDIN EXTRA CUZ HER MOMMY WAS A SPECTATOR.
CHRONOS had consistent handler movement from the likes of Steve, Korb, Dot (so weird to call Coach Dan, Dot, but okie) and some beautiful under cuts from Leah!
SIDE NOTE: STEVE HAD A SIIIIIICCCKKKKKKK HUCK TO DOT 10/10 highly recommend
But, CAN I JUST SAY (not actually asking for permission cuz I’m gonna say it anyways) CHRONOS was getting mighty reckless in the deep zone as everyone watched a yung tattoo almost become the budlight pancake under the man body of one Dusty! COMMUNICATE PLS
ONTO THE OPPOSING TEAM:
Moment of honesty here: yo, Hera is a dope team. They only had 4 girls playing, busting their asses, playing hard every point. Damn straight, these women are truly queens.
BACK TO THE SAVAGERY:
ALICE CHEN, home girl told me that she wasnt really gonna run this game. LIES. Alice faked the upline then bolted deep. If there hadn’t been a foul on the throw, yung crunch here woulda been cinnamon toast. NONETHELESS, ALICE CHEN BROUGHT THE HEAT WITH HER HUCKS, CRAZY BREAKS, AND IO FLICKS.
MEANWHILE, NATE AND STEPH TURN THE TABLES THROWIN OUT SOME ZONE D. highkey Chronos was V SHOOOOOOK. Some seriously fantastic coaching even though the home boy Nate was wearing a shirt size Youth Small, I swear. SAVAGE.
And finally… THE ONE, THE ONLY, BRANDONNNNN! While CHRONOS may have thought they were the team in control of the clock, BRANDON SHOWED THEM WHO OWNED HAMMMMMERRR TIMMME! This man took his two legs and a red shirt (lowkey shoulda been pink but whatevs) AND FUCKIN RIPPED UP THE FIELD WITH HIS CUTS AND THREW NOT ONE, BUT TWO HAMMER SCORES! Brandon, more like Bran-DON’T EVEN TRY TO CATCH ME!
ALSOOOO some dual action SAVAGERY occurred with two handblocks one after another! KORB WAS LIKE YEAH, FUCK NO! TO THE HERA OFFENSE…but then.. good ol’ Brando HAND BLOCKED HA-CHA! THE SHIT OUTTA CHRONOS’ STEVE WICK (homie shoulda stepped out cuz he got BOPPPPPPED) some pretty elite Summer League gameplay right there, if I do say so from my frisbee expertise.
As for the powers, Chronos came out with that STEAMY forgetfulness power and got the reverse pull RIGHT OFF THE BAT. While, Hera gave the green light for the Helios power and GOT THAT SHIT STRAIGHT TO BRANDON to OUTRUN DOT FOR THE SCORE!
While Hera took half on Chronos 8-7, Chronos took the W ending 15-12. Twas quite lit.
That will be all from this week’s CRUNCH CAP peace out hoes ^o^
That was pretty freakin’ awesome, especially for a first timer. Little known fact about me. I do often edit people’s recaps for spelling errors and obvious grammatical errors, but there are some people who when they do recaps, I kind of have to put the red marker away, cause they’re gonna do that stuff on purpose. I do that stuff on purpose myself when I write recaps. So it becomes a fun game for me trying to figure out if this was an intentional mistake, or a real one. I think I’ve got it down pretty good, and I’ll definitely err on the side of keeping mistakes cause I want the recapper’s original voice to shine through. Like when Kumbha refuses to capitalize letters or add apostrophes, you just gotta roll with it. I added apostrophes in her first recap, but then completely let it go this time around, and you know, it feels better.
Stephanie Hicks usually writes a recap for her games, but she’s pretty busy, and we may not get it until Thursday. But it’s all good. Always worth the wait.
UPDATE: And as expected, here’s the Steph recap, only a day late:
THE CLASH OF THE HERMS
Since the schedules were handed down from the god of the Bandits, Hera’s captain Nathan “Nate Dogg” Warden eagerly anticipated Tuesday night’s matchup against Chronus, captained by Dan “Dot” Oettinger.
Chronus’ god of the Dots is lauded amongst the Summer League gods for his status as the most winning of the pantheon. Thus Hera’s god of the Doggs was eager to test his team and captaining skills against one of the greats. The god of the Dots drafts well, he plays league well, and his teams have always made it to at least the semis at the tournament [usually with the god of the Dogg playing for him]. Dot was Nathan’s first summer league captain and the two have coached the USC Hellions together for the past two postseasons as well as playing together on 7 Figures. One could say that Hera’s god of the Doggs has a man-crush on Chronus’ god of the Dots… [The god of the Doggs doth protest that the scribe takes too many liberties, thus the scribe must move on…]
Ironically Dot’s chosen patron – Chronus; the god of Time – is also the father of Nate’s chosen goddess, Hera – goddess of Women. But for those goddesses of the Trojan variety who know their coaches well, Tuesday night should really be known as the lug-filled CLASH OF THE HERMS.
Unfortunately, Hera – a goddess sometimes known for her jealousy and wrath – seemed angry at her female Pink worshippers for never coming to games [hint hint] and took it out on the men as women are prone to do. Three of Pink’s men were out with injuries including the god of the Doggs, who was sadly sidelined in the battle of the Herms. Luckily the god of Bandits showered down reinforcements for Pink with god Brandon Severson and goddesses Alice and Emily. [This scribe prays to the gods for quick healing and an epic tournament rematch].
The scribe must take another delay before getting to the game to note that according to some sources, Chronus, after castrating and overthrowing his own father, was so fearful that he would in turn be overthrown by his children, that he swallowed each of his children as they were born – including his daughter Hera.
As Chronus took the field on defense, the god of the Dots promptly called for the disc back and then easily scored three in a row, floating it easily to the goddess of the Tattoo.
Was Hera once again doomed to be consumed by her father…??? Not if the god of the Doggs had anything to say about it!!
For if there is one thing that Pink has proven thus far in Summer League, it’s that Hera hath no fury like a goddess scorned. [the scribe’s bad pun didn’t quite land… but you get what she was going for…]
Hera damned the Chronos men with awesome D’s from the Pink gods as Goh threw the first score to Isaac, then Brandon threw a sick hammer to Clint, Clint hammered one back to Brandon then Brandon floated another to Isaac. Not to be excluded – goddess Alice connected with Chris TWICE to bring the score to 6-6. The Joel hucked it to Brandon and then Brandon hucked it to Chris and suddenly Pink took half 8-6 to the delight of the god of the Doggs!
But… the wrath of the Gods was known from both sides for this game and Chronos struck at just the right time, coming out of half on fire to tie it back at eights. But Pink’s Nathan laid out a secret strategy to use the remaining power and Brandon ran the length of the field to easily score.
Both sides traded points. The scribe must note the strength of the worshippers of Chronus. The god of the Dot and god of the Korbs had unbeatable throws. The goddess of the Tattoos was everywhere, leading a band of super fast super young goddesses. The god of the Wick and the Whitman were speedy scoring machines. [The scribe would like to note that the god of the Wick had awesome spirit – deferring without protest to the scribe’s sideline call.].
Pink goddess Alice connected with Isaac. All the pink got touches in a Leland to Nahall to Johnson and then a Clint to Brandon to Dan to bring it to 12-12. But then, plagued by drops, Chronus pulled ahead with a score in which the scribe’s only comment is… “Damn you Castro.”
Like sands through the hourglass, the Goddess of the Women could not hold back the destructive-all devouring force of Time. Chronus’s Sherry floated it to the goddess of the Tattoos as Blue won the game 15-12.
Spirits were high. Cheers, hugs and stickers were exchanged. Alice and Isaac were adorned with golden spirit crowns and the pink goddesses collapsed in exhaustion. The only disappointment was that after a long chain of emails picking a new bar, only two members of Chronos came out!
CLASH OF THE HERMS:
god of the Dots: Games: 1, Bar: 0
god of the Doggs: Games: 0, Bar: 1
Well, you won the more important of the two contests. People will forget these games in a few years, but nobody ever forgets the fun you have at the bar, am I right?
And no recap is complete without a picture of Brandon in a way-too-tight pink shirt. Enjoy
|June 14, 2017||12:00 am||Summer League||2017|
|Rancho Cienega Recreation Center|