Hestia vs Hermes


A match-up of two of the teams that started the season 1-0 between Hermes and Hestia.  Something’s gotta give.  Let’s get right into it.  Here’s Klepto first from Hermes:

RecapKleptoFirst loss of the season to Hestia 15-12. Tough game from start to finish, so many points where it could’ve gone either way, nail biting, heart wrenching, pretty sure I peed a little too.


Calling out Spencer Goldman and Matt Burke—please stop having fun on your amazing adventures around the world and come back to LA to play ultimate with us. You face not only the wrath of the God Hermes, but of me and Julia.

Even though we were shorthanded with our guys, proud of how much everyone stepped up. Sober continues to ball out on both sides of the disc, Justin Fang is igloo level chilly, I challenge anyone to outrun Max Aalto, and Jack Briskie has no meniscus and no fucks to give.

Was playing D on a huck and thought I was safe, but out of nowhere Hestia’s Enway comes and makes an insane layout catch in the endzone, reminding me that I am never safe if Enway is cutting.

Dylan Patton, Ed Melo, and a bunch of other fast athletic dudes absolutely destroyed on offense. I got tired just watching them run.

Debi Patton is a sweetheart and also bought a chastity belt on Amazon in honor of her team’s Goddess. Honestly, she needs to make at least one of her players wear it per game.

Frankie constantly makes comments about how he’s old and declining and then he goes and makes speedy upline cuts and beautiful, buttery full field hucks.

Julia had at least 5 hammers in the game and only like 3 of them gave me heart attacks.

Determined to give Viv a nickname that is not “Turfknees” before she returns to NYC.

Mucho thanks to Cortez for driving all the way up to Encino to sub for us! Hey Andy, can we just have both Cortez AND Wall-e? No one will mind, right?

All the lug to my bb Noodle who drove from San Jose to LA yesterday and not only came to play with us on her first night back, but also DD’ed Julia and I (not a task for the faint of heart).

Fun to look over to the next field and see frisbae Diesel subbing for Hades <3

The Barrel was grimy and awesome, very down with the jukebox and shuffleboard. Great turnout from all four teams, even though it was a Tuesday.

Big snaps to David Reed for organizing and buying beer and pizza for everyone. Also apparently Reed and I are going to wrestle soon? He claims to be very good at wrestling women (direct quote).

Never fun to lose, but seeing the bar full of people from all four of the teams that played tonight made me smile and how can I really be bummed when I’m eating free pizza?

Double games next week, double fun, first one on Monday against Ares!

Why am I not surprised Reed would say he’s good at wrestling women?

The last man who actively wrestled women was Andy Kaufman, and that didn’t go well.


Fight dirty Klepto.  Fight dirty.

Also from Hermes, we have Kumbha.  Her last recap was pretty raw.  Salty, as Reed put it.  Let’s see what she’s got this time around:

RecapKumbhaAlright, welcome everyone to Hermes week 2. I don’t actually remember much of last night, mainly because I was just tired – but there is a headline for ya just like last week and also some other fun things. This recap may be erratic. ALSO a line about how klepto and i are good cop bad cop got cut out of our recap from last week, so just know that. BUT i may turn my recaps more into investigative journalism, ill play with it every week – see the reactions, see who thinks like me and who doesnt. oh also we lost this game, which i am actually not too sad about bc now the pressure is alleviated – like when you pop a balloon, or jump up and down on bubble wrap.

Okay, so last night we were in encino…a hellaofadrive. Shoutout to my girl Noodle for literally driving down from portland and then driving me and kleptos asses to summer league…not sure how we swung that. Anyway, we got there at 7:40, sober was there to greet us at the gate, and we chilled for a bit. ignoring the long long long long drive, i actually liked this place a ton – there was no wind, and the fields felt like there was more room on them than jackie robinson. okay so it was us versus dylan pattons burnt orange team – the best part about this game was our girl viv (nickname pending) who came up with the post game post spirit circle cheer… “orange you glad you dont have hermes” how fucking brilliant is that!!!!! and in classic fashion, my cocaptain klepto, whom i love – tried to steal the credit for this by yelling it louder after viv said it quietly to her. anyway – so the actual game…

we had a low guy turnout, matt burke, spencer goldman, small fang, camden bickel i will continue to call your asses out. we are working on matt changing his flight home from korea, spencer i dont know well enough to demand these things, and small fang and cam bickel i know not at all. BUT big fang told me at the bar last night that he changed his flight on thursday for somewhere i forgot and wanted me to be proud of him…but then i told him i expect that kind of dedication and refused to give him my thanks.

we were missing many ladies too, and so we got one corteezy as a sub – bless her, it took a lot of coeercing, and i even learned after that by peer pressuring her to come to the bar, she missed out on an ice cream date with brandon – brandon im sorry, but lug – thanks for giving her to us for the night!

and about subbing…stay tuned. for my headline.

okay so the game… dylan patton is a fast animal (he came up to me before the game, and told me in preparation he watched my callahan video…i didnt know whether to be honored or scared that he would know my only throws are a lefty backhand huck and a righty hammer…), some other guy on their team is fast as well who was in a neon traffic vest or something – ed melo has become my new handler frisbee idol with his fakes and ability to drop it low in a millisecond, honestly would love to see him on the dance floor to a song like get low or something, it was astounding and very impressive. my girl linda was shredding it as their rock handler in the backfield, and enway was her usual quiet efficient self getting all the unders and some deep shots, but only from ed. debbi patton bought a chastitity belt or something on amazon and i just remember a very raunchy conversation at the end of the game… also – carl edwards if youre out there…are you the same carl edwards who was on gold room?? DID YOU GROW 5 INCHES TALLER AND HIT THE GYM??? or is this a different carl edwards…or has my memory severely gotten worse in the past 4 years and youve always looked like this….

the game started off us down a few breaks – we had some miscues and turned over a few in the deep space – sober reminded us that unders are sexy, and then we started to get on the board. i think this game would have been a bit closer had MATT, SPENCER, or SMALLFANG been there, but its fine i have been made aware that this is how summer league goes. highlights that i remember, jack briskie and max being fast as shit – james getting open in the deep space, frankie doing the thing where he tells us how old he is, and then he procceeds to shred everyone on the field and throw perfect dimes to the ladies. what a keeper. i would bring back those photos he posted on facebook…but i hear david already did that, so i will abstain. sober and jfang were rocks for us again in the backfield, viv, cortez and noodle were doing their thing cutting and getting the disc under- austin was shredddddingggg!! i also learned hes lefty, but i think i learned that last week too and forgot – darren, who is really a lady named marie from idaho (see groupme photo) was his usual workhorse self getting the disc every other – my cocaptain jean, ill be honest, a few ill advised 8 flick hucks, but we will work on it dont you worry bb. we used the running power…because we had too. we were graced by a pull that never came back in bounds, so we started the running very early on…lets just say i didnt really understand the rules, and then i watched the team on the field next to us use the same power, and it all made sense. i think im a visual learner. anyway, the game ended and it was high level and spirited, there were some discrepancies on in/out but the disc got sent back with no established best perspective or whoever yelled the loudest won, debbi patton awarded me and sober nectar from the gods as mvps, and this was the beer that david mentioned in his recap that got us in trouble…to be fair, the only reason i didnt drink it at the fields was because some of us did a wildfire workout after the game…lead by skipper, dear god it was horrible.

alright, so almost our whole team made it out to the bar, which was amazing – infinite shoutouts to my shuffleboard partner and the only person who can equally match me in loud conversations,, david reed. not only did he IN ADVANCE (i am type A and love planning) reach out and get people to the barrel, he scored beer, he got nay to score pizza, there were free tacos, and we kicked ass at shuffle board! he also said really nice things throughout the night to me, and won my very very cold, black heart. we ended the night deep in conversation about the pros and cons of summer league, and how andy should just ban 4 person baggages and be done with it. speaking of andy, ill move on to my headline now.

this isnt a real headline to be honest, to defuse any climactic thoughts that may have come up, but i want to pose a hypothetical to the crowd and see what the people think….

So… heres the hypothetical… a team has ladies, they say their 1 and 2 ladies cant make it plus some other ladies. due to the new female sub pool rule, because they have 3 ladies…they then get two subs to bring them up to 5, which is the number that andy is trying to guarantee for all teams for their women for the night. NOW say you acquire these subs, and then your #2 lady shows up!! a lady you claimed wouldnt or maybe wouldnt be there, and had a sub for. now – disregard however the sub plays, or if you personally think theyre better or a worse replacement, this team got a sub for a top player who then showed up…. WHAT NOW?

dear viewers, here is the question i should pose to you!


also dont you worry everyone, andy is going to write up rules and publish them, andy youre the man! he is probably doing this so he isnt forced to get a ton of pings of me gchatting or emailing him about what the rules are and what we can and cant do.

anyway, thats the headline of the week from me, let me know your thoughts, this hypothetical doesnt afect me in any way, if it had been the team i was playing who did this i would have called them out immediately, but it was on the field next to me, so i didnt care. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ BUT i thought it would be interesting to hear peoples thoughts…i think thats it, next week we have two games…already got some people not in attendance, we shall see where the week goes. i thought about adding more photos or like some youtube links, but thought better of it – heres a photo of some off the team at the bar, there were others but they were off conversing or whatnot.

I thought the good cop bad cop thing was just for me.

Yes, it’s true, I’m working on the sub rules as we speak.  This is the first year Summer League has a Female Sub Pool, so as with all things that have rules, we’re gonna have to work through this together, and create and modify the rules as we go on.  But Kumbha’s request for comments is welcomed by me too.

At the time I wrote this, I got two recaps but still need the half-time score, and were the powers successful?

Here’s a photo of Hermes at the Barrel last night:



Date Time League Season
June 14, 2017 12:00 am Summer League 2017


Sepulveda Basin

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