Hestia vs Chronos


We’ve got a lot of recaps to go through today.  So not much pre-commentary from me.  This one is from Monday night.  We start with Crunchy of Chronos with another Crunchcap.

Okay, before I post this, the Reedcap and Crunchcap did make me have to go through the list of people who’ve posted recaps in the past, and if they named theirs, these would be my top 10 favorites, excluding the two mentioned already:

10) Spazcap
9) Blitzcap
8) Kwokcap (or just Kwokap)
7) Fishcap
6) Snatchcap
5) Creamcap (for Jessica Creamer)
4) Biclap (for Biclops.  That might be cheating a little.)
3) Bustacap (for Buster.  Also cheating a little.)
2) Cubcap
1) Scrapcap

In fact, I insist that if Scrappy writes more recaps, she call them Scrapcaps.  When UCLA’s Mapquest used to live here, Mapcap.  We need someone to nicknamed Zap.  College kids, get on that.

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled Crunchcap:

RecapCrunchyHmmm, one Julia Kumbha Johnson churning that salt pot once again, just sayin we almost had a Budlight pancake last week but we had more laughs and jokes than yelling and scolding…….¯_(ツ)_/¯ ANYWHO

lol actually this game was weak af in the highlight aspect…BUT NONETHELESS

On the nineteenth night of the sixth month in the year two thousand seventeen much after the twentieth hour (goddamn SL never starts on time) took place ANOTHER FIGHT TO THE DEATH of the frisbee kind between Hestia, THE VIRGIN GODDESS OF THE HEARTH (so basically a stay at home mom without the penetration) VERSUS Chronos, GOD OF TIME.

Chronos welcomed NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE new CHROHOMIES to the team, Mike, Mitch, and Robin! Talk about a heap of testosterone amiright!? THESE THREE AMIGOS (don’t know if they are even actually friends) brought some good power to the field.

ROBIN GOT THE HOPS! Homie was speedy chasing down the deep cutters, making clean cuts and sweet grabs! Although….this swift fox got BOPPED when fronting a yung Ed with Skipper in power position, NO BUENO! but boiiii did he learn his lesson!


Previous CRUNCH CAP Chronos folk such as DUSTY, STEVE, CORB, and DOT were all in great spirit, great consistency but tbh did not see any LIT AF HIGHLIGHTS…sigh NONETHELESS Chronos was AFLAME with SOME GNARLY CHEERS! All CHROHOMIES were GOIN HAM ON THE CHEERS AND SPIRIT, especially in comparison to the frankly meek “yeah”s and “yay”s of Hestia.

TATTY came out as the night’s female MVP, but received some doggie licks instead of some cool SWAG since Dylan forgot it. NONETHELESS, the Budlight Bandit HUCKIN SWEET DIMES TO YA GIRL CRUNCH, MAKIN SWEET DEEP RUNS FOR THE SCORES FROM DOT, AND SNAGGIN DISCS FROM WHAT LOOKED LIKE CENTIMETERS OFF THE TURF!

Hmm, I don’t like to brag but I had a P FUCKIN DOPE first half myself, good ol’ CRUNCHY here (idk how to do this without being weird, self centered, and in third person) came in hot with a DEEP CUT for the score, A SWEET DIME OF A FLICK HUCK TO her Chrohomie Hunter, GRABBED THE RESET for the assisted score to YUNG TIT, AAANDDD CRUNCHED the one and only Enway DEEP for an EASY SHUT DOWN D on the huck!

SOME HIGHLIGHTS FOR THE VIRGINS (not a phrase you often hear, but appropriate in this mythological context)…

SKIPPPERRR as her usual self was BIPPITY BOPPITY BOOPIN ON THE FIELD with her magical fairy wings cuttin from the stack here and there, as well as sitting back with her magic wand in the handler position waiting for that SWEET SWEET GREEN to open up for A MONSTER HUCK to the one and only ED. HOWEVER! It WAS NOT all fun and games for good ol’ Linda as Chronos’ SHERRY FUCKIN RIPPED HER A NEW ONE with A SAVAGE MASTER MARK stalling her ALL THE WAY to 9 only to leave the Skipster to YOSS A BAIL OUT DEEP TO NO AVAIL!

ED was a SAVAGE, dis man YOSSED his body around like I have never seen before! Dis man caught the disc OUT OF BOUNDS IN THE AIR and threw it BACK IN!!! even though it was still a turn, OHHHH SHIT!

While Hestia began the game with 3 breaks RIGHT OFF THE FUCKIN BAT, Chronos SLID HARD INTO THOSE DMS after the 8-6 half and BECAME HESTIA’S HOMEWRECKERS WITH 2 BREAKS to bring it to 9s.

Chronos initiated the usage of powers by using YOU GUESSED IT the ETERNAL FLOW OF TIME to get those stall count advantages…BUT LMA FUCKING O got BOPPED setting a zone as ED FUCKING SLAMMED ONE DEEP (legit like 3 seconds into play) to his homie in an orange tank top (sorry that I don’t know your name, INTRODUCE YOURSELVES NEXT TIME)

Hestia did not end up using the Helios power *cough* LAAAMEEE, but also HIGHKEY spared Chronos. Hestia raked in the points later on to end with a W 15-11. Sadness for Chronos, but LOWKEY HIGHKEY when Cap’n Crunchy here made a request to see some CRUNCH CAP worthy plays, I did not see convincing results @SteveWick @Dusty @ERICFUCKIN’SIEGELWHERE’STHECALLAHAN!?

While Hestia were the Champs on the turf, Chronos won the MUHFUCKIN BAR GAME @ALLMEMBERSOFHESTIA leaving your homie Dylan LONE DRINKIN at Joxer Daly’s until THE CHROHOMIES permitted him into conversation, #LAAAMMEEE

FINAL NOTE BEFORE I DEPART: I AM LOWKEY SUPER SALTY that Chronos gave GEORGE, a friend of a Chronos player who came by for some SL fun, to Hestia…because she is HIGHKEY one of the reasons they won with her sick hucks. IMO, should’ve evaluated her skill level after a point or two then determined that she was too good to be placed on either team to be fair. BUT IT’S FINE, Chronos is all about that SPIRIT OF THE GAME so not trynna salt anyone else’s pot…

That is all for now from THE CRUNCH CAP peace out hoez ^o^

You just gotta be yourself.  Weird, self centered, and in the third person.  I love it.  (A lot of people have written about themselves in the third person in recaps.  I always find it strange that they do that, so I’m happy you called it out.)

Anyone want to second my motion to have Crunch alongside Alex at the next live stream of the Summer League draft?

I think we’ll need a translator though for us older players.

Here’s Hestia’s Dylan Patton:

RecapDylanA nice marine layer had descended onto Culver City High school, making it too cold for us spoiled Californians. There was also a pretty solid upwind/downwind, prompting Hestia to play a few zone points. But with handlers like Korb and Dot, they were able to get through it at least once.

When I got to the field and saw their team, I was pretty intimidated. There wasn’t a non-athletic person in the bunch. Then add their plethora of throwers in there and, damn son. Both teams started with the same drill, a simple go to. Then the game started at about 8:15, and what a game it was. So many great plays, sick grabs, and hard d.

Hestia won the flip (undefeated in flips so far), and opted to start on d as usual. We decided to try a zone. Chronos was working it up nicely but had to make at least 25-30 throws. That’s when I decided, while playing deep deep, to bait a tough throw from Korb to Robin. Not a great idea, since I smacked the disc right in front of him and he still caught it somehow, and was then able to turn and immediately find an open lady in the endzone. Hestia then scored quickly on offense. 1-1. We then went to man for a couple points and it paid off with back to back breaks. 3-1 Hestia. After a couple long points I don’t really remember, it was 5-2. Jeremy Ziskind played a few points last week after coming off a hamstring injury, and seemed okay. So he tried to go a little harder last night and ended up pulling it again. I really hope he recovers quickly and all the way this time, he fits in perfectly with Hestia, so having to get a replacement for him would suck. Hestia took half at 8-6. Then the second half was filled with the usual action from Ed and Enway Melo, some more crazy grabs from Robin, and a really great grab from Julius Schaffer on a 50/50 against Dot when Chronos used the stall count power. I guess Ed thought it would be too hard to work it up the field with a 5 second stall count, so he threw a really nice io backhand to Julius with Dot right on him, and Julius was able to get great position and use his height to make the grab. Another player who had a great game was Hestia’s 13th round ringer, Tammas Wilner. He has proven himself to be quite the downfield threat with his blistering speed and sick hops. He even caught the game winner for us on a nice throw from Noah Tomaszewski, to end the game on back to back breaks at 15-11.

Ah, getting a ringer in the last round.  I’ve been there.  Once got a last rounder who ended up being the fastest player on the team, and we decided to put him on all the best players of the other teams.  Couldn’t throw, but played a hell of a defensive game.

And important note.  For the first time the other team agrees with Hestia’s scorekeeping.  HUZZAH!!!


Date Time League Season
June 20, 2017 12:00 am Summer League 2017


Culver City High School

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