After Party vs Ninja SquirtlesFeb 6th, 2017 | By AndyBandit | Category:
After Party has been rockin’ a 4-0 record. Ninja Squirtles came in at 0-4. But of course the competition level they both faced was vastly different, which is why RRI had Ninja ahead by 400 points heading into the contest. A win here could really sink Ninja’s season since we’re now over halfway through. Let’s see what happened. Here’s After Party’s Nate Dawg with the recap:
I think warmly of the affair you recently hosted in lieu of the Great Pigskin Bowl. The warmth of your tub of heating reminds me of simpler times. Presently I must inform you that our mighty band The Festivity whom Follow, have fallen at a party for the first time this wet winter season. The final tally was fifteen scores to seven in favor of the blue martial arts tortoises whom spew the deep blue.
We hoped we could out-drink them as we had against our weaker foes. And although many of them choose to move slowly like tortoises, I now dare not doubt their wily minds for a party of the plastic. And when they did decide to move and use their ocean arts…. hops help us.
The battle began in earnest as the wet ones marched down the field for offense and again for defense breaking us and taking crisp shots upon our unit. Hope arose for our band however, from a lengthy deep boot-chug from our own Robin, known as “Car Flipper.” This brought the game to 1-2. Indeed, deep long chugs were the only way we could match with the steadily consuming turtles. Armand, a new mercenary to the unit, sent another great flask down Robin’s path to our cheers. Later Clint, old and wise as a mighty tree, stood tall to consume a turtle shot on the defensive before letting loose a mighty bolt to Sam “The Vest” Vest for a vigorous indulgence.
Indeed our best tactics held us in striking distance of victory. Corporal Diesel of Orange kept our backfield sober and consistent. And even I stole some precious drinks from the blue ones with a fool’s intimidation on Allen “the man with wings” Lai and a trick on the one they call Q… a true festive muse herself. However, I knew not how fleeting those illusory defenses would be…. Half was had at 5-8, with our Festivity whom Follow to receive out of Half. If we held at 6-8 we would only be down a pair….
But then, the massacre began. The turtles fought with a new battle plan. It was positional, tranquil, and wide as each member drank on their own grass at their own drumbeat awaiting our quickly failing troops to heave volleys carelessly in their path. Our unit was flabbergasted by the tactic. Amazed by the speed of the tortoises in the first bout of battle our minds bewitched us. We threw hard and fast as we missed drink after drink for our open allies. We were blighted by our own irresponsibility as the battle fell to 5-11. They released a berserker, the one they called Brandon, whom only further spelled our doom. His speed and recklessness on the party floor were without match as he crushed our long-shots without remorse. He partied so fiercely tripping over his own feet and ours that I pondered if he was skilled in the art of Zui Quan.
I only take solace that private Samantha (whom my fellow general Stephanie seems rather titillated with) spared us during the route with a deep swill from Sam “The Vest” in a battle formation we call “The Samwich” and even our young private Ethan “The Music Man” drank a deep kegstand for a score. Glorious indeed.
And although the party of the plastic, the bout of the booze, was lost at a final tally of 15-7…. The Festivity whom Follow will never relinquish the crown for the Festivity that follow. Heavy is the head that wears the Joxer Daly’s Crown.
I am filled and my thirst refreshed.
Nathan C. Warden
Looks like someone is very circumlocutory. This also reminded me of when Doc Brown called the Enchantment Under the Sea dance a “Rhythmic ceremonial ritual”. And I do appreciate the personal touch. Thank you kind sir.
For those who needed a thesaurus to follow along, Ninja got their first win of the season. The RRI has been updated. And Nate somehow failed to mention Stephanie’s ass as a reBUTTal. An oversight I’m sure.
|February 6, 2017||8:00 pm||Winter League||2017|
|Culver City High School|