Los Angeles Organization of Ultimate Teams

Kong Falls… Animal Style

Feb 17th, 2016 | By | Category: Game Recaps, Winter League

Kong had never had a losing record in their 10 years in Winter League.  But after starting out 0-4, it would be guaranteed since they only had three games remaining on their schedule.  But after facing the top four teams in the league, their schedule now would be against three straight teams from the original second tier when the season started.  First up was last night’s game against Animal Style, who came into this game undefeated at 4-0.

Here’s Animal Style’s Joanna Whitney with the recap:

RecapJoannaTonight’s theme for Animal Style was “Be the Bear” as in the bear from the Revenant. The bear wins right? I mean Leo DiCaprio can never win an Oscar so he must not have won the bear fight. I don’t know, I didn’t see it. Apparently neither did my team. But tonight we were bears. And since there is no such thing as winter in LA, our bears were not hibernating.

I’m not gonna lie, we all went into the game playing our hardest, but not expecting a win. Eugene had to be silenced in his pregame speech because of low expectations being put on the table. But somewhere along the way the concept of “Be the Bear” came into existence and it stuck. It stuck real good.

Kong came out strong as we expected and we stepped up to match them. Points were traded up until 3-3. Then Animal Style got a break. And another. Julius did some strange box-out-while-running-bent-over move for a great score, there was a long (I mean like full field long) huck from Snatch to Dave, and an io throw from Brett across almost the entire length of the goal line to Jake. Before we knew it half was 8-5 in our favor.

We started poking our bear in the half time huddle getting him angrier. We were proud of the ground we had gained, but knew Kong could very easily come out with some Leo-esque Oscar-worthy performance.

Kong took the first point of the second half. It’s looking like they weren’t taking this fight lying down. They were athletic, jumped higher than our team, made quick (and good) decisions. This is what we were afraid of. Then something happened. Animal Style played the best ho stack we’ve probably played all season. We knew to go deep when they gave it to us, but cut under taking turns when it wasn’t there (this doesn’t happen too often). Our defense was forcing at least ten swings to work it up the field and a good chunk of the time that led to turn overs. Jenny had a solid midfield d at a crucial juncture. At 10-7 we are graced with a short pull and off the live disc I took off for a love connection score. This made up for a different throw in the first half that Bennett d’ed on me in the same end zone.

Kong started to come back as we started to get a little sloppy with some decision making on O, but our defense was probably what saved us, but that’s not to say it wasn’t hard to play d on this team, because quick feet and quick hands were necessary the whole time and not always enough. KChu had a great diving catch that we weren’t ready for. As we were getting a little nervous of their possible come back a disc is thrown up to Nahall with more than one defender near her, but her height got her right under the disc. She was going to bring it down for some glory when for the second game in a row one of our guys “snatches” it basically out of her hands. I’ve never heard so much booing from the team that just scored. We were glad to get the point, but Nahall should get the credit for it. However, she got her redemption with the game winning catch from a long huck by her nemesis from the earlier play. Animal Style wins 15-11. It was a hard fought game that required Animal Style to rise to Kong’s level. Sometimes you’re the bear and sometimes Leo DiCaprio gets nominated for an Oscar.

The Revenant was excellent, and I’m pulling for it to win best picture, and for Leo to take the Oscar too.  He should’ve gotten it for What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.  Lost to Tommy Lee Jones for The Fugitive.  Okay, that’s not so bad, I admit.  TLJ was pretty awesome in that.  “I didn’t kill my wife.”  “I don’t care.”

Also, the bear did win the fight.  But not the war.

Animal Style won the war.  They’re now 5-0.  Next Tuesday is the highly anticipated make-up game against Hungry Hydra.  For the record, even though Animal Style is still undefeated, they are currently the 5 seed.  I’m not seeding them ahead of Ninja, Skeeter, Marshall or Dumbledore.  Still possible they could play one of the those teams in the final week of the season though.  TBD.

Kong falls to 0-5.  I have no words.

Other than to say this is quite a surprise, considering their roster.  0-5.  Man, they didn’t lose 5 games total in three-straight years from 2012-2014.  And the lowest they’ve ever finished in the standings was 4th place.  This year, they’re guaranteed to finish no higher than 5th.

Besides that, no words.

Kong’s next game is against Sky Life (2-2) next Thursday.

Over on the other field, Dumbledore’s Army was facing Hungry Hydra.  Here’s Hydra’s Rho.  She says this was inspired by the greatest work of literature ever written.

RecapRhoHi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Rhoven Way and I have fuzzy brown hair with flowers in it and icy green eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Giselle Bundshen (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!) I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I’m also a witch, and I play frisbee at a magical field called Balboa in the Valley. I play for Hungry Hydra (in case you couldn’t tell) and we wear mostly red jerseys. For example tonight I was wearing a red jersey with matching pink tights and green shorts and orange cleats. I was walking around Balboa. It was nighttime so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps from Dumbledore’s Army stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Rho!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was… Broccoli!

“What’s up Broccli?” I asked.

Nothing.” she said shyly.

But then, I heard Bustle calling me to the huddle and i had to go away.

The game started and we won the first point, but then Dumblydore’s Army won a bunch more points. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

On the sideline, I drank blood from my water bottle. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking down into the face of a very small girl. She had ran into the end zone and caught the disc about 8000X.It was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw it kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” she said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Hoover, although most people call me Vampire these days.” she grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” she giggled.

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.

“Really?” she whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

Then Bustle came up behind me and told me I had to play so I went away with him.

At halftime, the score was sumthin like 4 ta 8 (AN: SHUT UP WE WERE TRYING OUR BEST), and Professor Bustle made us stand in a huddel. “Very well.” Busstle said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t keep losing points. There is only one person who is capable of winning points and they is in the hubble. And his name is………………………………………………………………….. JAMES KODOMO VAMPIRE.” (AN: He is also a vampire.)

“Hi Vampire” I said flirtily as I started to sob. He took off his shirt and I saw he had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah).

Kodomo and Chicago scored a bunch of points. After a bit it was 8 to 14 and then Doomblydore’s Army scored again so we lost the game.

“Okay you can go now, see ya bitch.” said Proffesor Busstle. “Bye bitch.” I said waving.

And den……………………………I jumped secxily into Merry’s car!11

In cunclussion, Dummbledore’s army won the game but IDGAF because they are a bunch of stupid prepz!!111!!!1

That went against all my instincts to correct spelling errors.  I’m assuming the original piece was written by a 12 year old?

Dumbledore’s Army is 3-2 now.  Next Wednesday is a rematch against Ninja Squirtles (3-1).

Hungry Hydra is 4-1.  They’ll play the make-up game against Animal Style (5-0) on Tuesday.


The first rematch of the season will have Rooks (1-4) facing Kapow! (0-5).  They saw each other in week 3 and Rooks won it 15-9 for only their second ever win.  If Rooks was to win again, it would be the most wins they’ve ever had in a season.

Sky Life (2-2) plays Tarmac (2-3).  The only time they played each other was 2012, and Sky Life won 15-10.  But, you know, that was four years ago.

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