RecapSummer 2019House Tully vs. House Stark

House Tully
House Stark


I just got back from lunch where I was watching the US in the World Cup at the San Francisco Saloon near work.  I had planned on just getting a burger and maybe one drink, but the game was so close that I ended up getting a second drink.  And then Heath hit that AMAZING goal over the head of the keeper from an angle that was so sharp, the keeper pulled her hands back for fear of losing them.  It reminded me of the game winning throw Cubby put to Wendy Copland at semis of the sadly defunct Goaltimate League semi-finals the 2nd year.  I’ll never forget that throw cause he was practically flush with the goal when he bended it to her.  Great catch by Wendy, by the way, as her vision was undoubtedly skewed by the near goal post.  And as filthy as that put was, Tobin Heath’s was even dirtier.  And the whole bar erupted.  (At least the four of us who were on the far right side did.  SF Saloon is not too pumping on a Thursday afternoon.)  And then they were gonna call it back cause of an off-sides against Lloyd?  Are you f’ing kidding me?  I needed another drink!  Totally forgot I had to get back to work.  3 pretty strong rum and cokes in, I’m a little beyond buzzed, but I’m holding it together.  C’mon, this is an impressively cohesive paragraph for my current state.  David Reed has only dreamed of this kind of punctuation:

And all that aside, let’s pivot over to some games that happened last night in a different sport.  Here’s Scott Stark with the story of Summer League battles and tales of thronery:

Perhaps the greatest moment in all of Game of Thrones was Edmure Tully proudly and solemnly making his claim for why he should be the next king and Sansa Stark interrupted and just said, “Uncle, please sit,” and then glanced down at his chair. We were the ones taking a seat in Week 3. Although we did win the bar handily so we were .500 for the evening, despite Bubbles abandoning us and sitting with the enemy the whole time. And the world got its first look at the heavily anticipated Alex-line and it did not disappoint.

House Stark has cornered the LAOUT market on people named Alex with all three this summer and last night was our first time having all three together for a game. We opened on D and gave up a score and then a break pretty quickly, with people sliding around on the Van Nuys/Sherman Oaks “turf” like it was ice. We then ran out our 3-Alex line and immediately Sholefield hit Carey who hit Chin who hit [not an Alex] for a quick score and all of our lives would never be the same.

Actually, it wasn’t that different. Those riverland-dwellers from House Tully summoned the sprinklers right next to the field early in the game and suddenly the home-field advantage was theirs. We gave up a second break, got it back, and then gave up another to go into half trailing 8-5. The field was a pretty consistent issue throughout. After an early point where three Tully players went down with minor slips, you could kinda feel everyone pull back and not go all out. The turf is normal field turf but with no rubber or cork fill in it. It’s basically just green carpet laid on a mostly-flat-and-solid compacted gravel base. Indoor soccer shoes seem to have been the best option for sure. No one was hurt but there are a lot of skinned knees and elbows this morning!

The first half had been pretty close though we couldn’t really figure out ways to slow Tully down and we were working a lot harder for our goals. We were determined at halftime to take away their up-field handler cuts and let’s just say we did not. Hoover cheated throughout the game by being by far the best athlete and most skilled player on the field and we had no answers for their give-and-go handler play. I tried to injure her at one point but she came back after a point or two. Sorry, Starks.

Tully came out on fire in the second half and got five straight breaks to take a 13-5 lead (I think…it was a blur). We missed a couple of great deep looks by a finger tip on some great runs by [not an Alex] and [not an Alex]. Stark was getting a little frustrated and a little quiet on the sidelines when we finally got a score on a half-field huck from Alex Carey to [not an Alex]. We then changed our defensive strategy on the fly and immediately changed the momentum of the game. Stark found a little spark and were suddenly a lot louder and just generally having more fun. It was a great turnaround for the team.

Despite the somewhat lopsided final score and a 7-0 run we allowed in the middle of the game, we actually had a 5-4 stretch in the first half and a 5-2 stretch to close the second, and more importantly had two cheer breakthroughs with [not an Alex]’s howling and [not an Alex]’s adaptation of the “Baby Shark” song but using Stark names instead.

Once again, we’re really sorry to the Tully family that Cat basically got her head cut off. And I’m sorry to all of you for putting “Baby Shark” in your heads.


Wow.  Full out Tonya Harding call by Scott!  Damn, that’s bold.  I know he’s kidding, but in my current buzzedness state, that’s really making my eyes pop.   Hoover IS pretty freakin’ rad.  No clubbings please.  Appreciate the magic and pick your jaw off the floor when he does her thing.

I’m SO sorry for the terrible field conditions at VNSO.  This sounds worse than the gopher holes at Balboa, and who knew THAT could be topped?  Fortunately, we only have two more nights there next week and it’s done.  But in the mean time, sounds like a small investment in turf shoes could really pay off.

So many people have mentioned winning the bar in recaps this year that I swear, if I was running Summer League next year, which I’m not, but if I was, then I’d come up with some sort of season long side competition to find the winningest bar team, which would somehow play out in a clever way at the tournament (at least it’s clever in my still quite buzzed mind) and it would be awesome.  Just trust me.

Now I wish my name was Alex, cause I just wanna belong.

Go USA!!!!  Tobin from the corner!  GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!!!

One comment

  • Reed

    June 20, 2019 at 5:25 pm

    Andy is a well rehearsed classical chamber ensemble elegantly typing tipsy paragraphs for the Times. I’m more of a self taught Oboist playing free jazz in an abandoned bread factory.


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