RecapSummer 2019House Baratheon vs. House Stark

Oh, this is heart breaking.  Stark came SO CLOSE to breaking through for their first win of the season.  And how about Baratheon with back-to-back OT wins!  Their last 3 games in a row have been decided by 2 points or fewer.  We’ve had quite a few over-time games so far, but we’re nowhere close to the record of 16 OT games, set in 2007.  And we’re not on pace to break it.

2007.  Did you know that was the first year Summer League broke into two divisions, Co-ed and Men’s?

Did you also know that was the year Keeping Up With the Kardashians debuted?  OMG, has it been that long?

How about this?

That’s Baratheon captain Paparazzi in 2007.  (Well, March 2008, but that’s far as back as Facebook went.)

And now let’s get down to some games.  Here is Scott Stark to tell the tale:

The Baratheons are another house with whom we Starks are supposed to be friendly, but let’s be honest: if Robert hadn’t been such a drunken, lecherous moron, none of the conflict in the story would have happened. He never would have agreed to marry into the Lannisters. John Arryn would never have had to look into Jamie and Cersei humping, so he never would have been killed. And Robert would never have needed Ned to be his hand, so Ned would not have been killed. Jamie could still juggle. Brann would be able to walk (to Hodor would never have gotten Hodored). Robb, Talisa, Robb Jr., and Catelyn would be alive, and perhaps one of them could have taught Rickon to change directions while running, but he wouldn’t need to because the Boltons would never have captured him. And Theon would still have his junk. And Robert wouldn’t have gotten so fat that he couldn’t wear his armor or ride a horse properly and likely wouldn’t have been killed so no open throne to be filled.

Plus side: if Robert wasn’t an adulterous a-hole, Gendry would not have been conceived and then poor Arya.

So the moral of the story is that the Baratheons are the real bad guys and they certainly were on Thursday, mostly Greta, but that goes without saying.

We opened the game with a break and had our first 1-0 lead of the season. We also wore dark for the first time this year, and I felt pretty confident that that was gonna be the ticket. That and my awesome new Stark socks. We started trading points for a few and then someone from Baratheon went outside and lit a car on fire because they were feeling threatened. Dirty, but whatevs.

We took a brief timeout for the fire department to put out the fire and we jumped right back to form with two quick points. The note for the second one just says, “What a grab!” and I don’t remember it but I bet it was amazing. Bravo, teammate. Baratheon bounced back with 3-straight to get to 7-6 and then we scored and the note just says “Tall person” because apparently the Baratheon who was writing them down also doesn’t recognize anyone on my team unless they are named Alex. The Baratheons then took to “Throw to women,” which, as it turns out, is an effective strategy.

We took a quick halftime and the Starks put another curse to rest: we scored first…four times. It felt like we’d put it all together finally. I was throwing terrible hucks…Alex Carey was getting SportsCenter layouts for all of them. My socks were truly majestic. Erica threw a perfect curving flick over and around my much taller (not surprising) defender for a score (and then yelled “That was so fun!”). Chain was open all night. Avatar and Lauren were the greatest subs in sports history. Matt was sprinting down to cover the first throw on every pull. Chin had somehow hidden stick-em on his hands.

We were up 14-12 and it felt like we’d finally gotten the monkey off our backs. Then the Baratheons suddenly switched on the intensity and rolled off four points to steal the win. It was amazing. It felt like we were down a person or something. Kudos to them. Jerks.

Then on the way to the bar we saw a license plate that read “HAHA I1,” and it was too soon. Alex did a PIT maneuver on them and then crashed into them like four times before speeding off yelling, “Who’s laughing now!?”

What kind of car was it?  Something douchey like a Porsche right?  Serves them right.

C’mon people.  You know this.  If you’re gonna wear “Stark socks”, I need photos.

There was a fire?  That’s new.  On a team with both Cubby and Corey, I wouldn’t be surprised to find either one was somehow behind this.  Who rolled a 3?

Poor Greta.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE:

Papa promised me a poem, and a poem she has delivered!

Without further ado, here’s Paparatheon:

Our recap for this week is written in rhyme,
As I’ve promised my House, and Andy Bandit.
I have worked on this one for way too much time,
Poems are hard, and I hope you can stand it.

Now, luckily, there isn’t much left to tell
For Scott has already submitted his story,
He captured the main points and told it quite well;
I’ll fill in the details, with some help from Cory.

So this was the setting – Baratheon and Stark,
Two houses whose kinship cannot be denied,
But this night they battled, at ol’ Rancho park,
For summer league standings, for glory, for pride.

We traded some points, a bit back and forth,
And got to 3-3 before we smelled smoke:
The largest car fire e’er seen in the North,
Must have been a Stark – I think Scott misspoke.

The rest of the first half has mostly been covered,
With SportsCenter grabs, and really hard D,
We got to 8-6 when we finally discovered,
That throwing to women is really the key.

But after the halftime, the Starks came to play,
And despite our best efforts, scored four in a row.
They threw perfect hucks, and howled away,
As we, for a moment, could not find our flow.

With Chin in the end zone, and Noah with wings,
Baratheon didn’t quite know what to do,
Both Alex and Alex had cool grabs and swings,
(We wrote the name often, ’cause their team has two)

Then all of a sudden, we started to score,
With hammers from Cub, and nice grabs from Ducky,
We knew we could win, as we had before,
If lights would stay on – I guess we got lucky.

From BNads to Macey, a huge lefty flick,
And then a big huck from Cory to Greta,
Claire, Char and Devin got Ds that were sick,
Our team chemistry was just getting betta

Ryan and Randy had real solid throws,
And Jordan threw bombs, with excellent aim.
Then Cub in the last point, we all should have known
That he’d throw a hammer to win us the game.

Another close battle, and truly well fought.
We took off our cleats and walked to the cars,
And at the behest of the sign that Claire brought,
A few of us rallied and went to the bar.

The Starks stayed awhile and held down the fort,
While elders told stories of old summer leagues,
But overall, this week, the bar trip was short,
Which was fine with us, for we were fatigued.

I’ll put on the record, that House Stark left first
And we followed suit, but ne’er you worry,
We’ll be back next week, with replenished thirst,
To fight for Baratheon. Ours is the Fury.

Wow.  Just wow.

So much to love here.  The poem. The sign.  The fact she put this together on a Friday night instead of going out and drinking?!?!?  Or perhaps WHILE going out and drinking.  That’s how I’m gonna imagine it happened.

That pesky second A in Baratheon.  What to do with that little freeloader….

Rhyming Greta with betta.  That’s hot!

The only thing that could improve this is if for rebuttal at the tournament party…. RAP BATTLE!!!

Also props to Papa using the alternate rhyme scheme method.  Love it.  Note, not a Shakespearean sonnet, although it looks like it, because it doesn’t include the two-line stanza in place of the fourth quatrain.

Knowledge.

(Oh Andy, you just looked that up on Wikipedia.)

Did not.

(Did too.)

Damn it!