Unless your name is Nay, I don’t think any of you have received what I received in my inbox this morning. 10 consecutive emails from David Reed. I’m not even 100% sure Nay’s ever actually gotten that, but I suspect she has. Possibly with a corresponding groan or an “OMG David!” There’s definitely plusses and minuses here when you wake up to this cacophony of words. Most certainly, the first thing that jumps to mind is…. I guess that whole “I’m done with Reedcaps” thing was BS. Not only did he come out of retirement to provide another of his classic patented drunken Reedcaps, but he did it on a Tuesday night. Who gets that wasted on a Tuesday who doesn’t also simultaneously live in a tent under the 110 freeway?
I like to think of myself as the Jeff Probst of LA Ultimate. I love a good story. I love drama and controversy. And when someone goes into crazy mode on a Tuesday night after the bar, I’m right there to love that mess. Give me more crazy. It’s great ratings.
Of course, the downside of all this is having to copy and paste together the 10 separate emails. I mean, copying just one email would be nice. But you’ve gotta accept the bad with the good, and who am I to ask a blotto scribe to edit his genius?
So here we are henceforth with the Tuesday night rants of a mad man. And if you can’t handle the insanity, you can always just scroll down to DeVore’s more coherent recap:
Email 1 – 2:16AM
i was so scared to play a team with such athelitc guys and such great handler females on 6 v 6 i thought up a D for it.
PoSt game after they lost, whole martlell team ran sprints full field, captains shirtless , deeevore i n JORTS. fucking s e x y
super secret captain rafting summer leaguer stratergy hint: draft bar, draft spped/stamina/draft ANKORS
brancdon and JOSH W. will call me out on my full shit throws and BS nervous energy. they ar my rock. no tean, ever won summerleague with an anchor/rock Garrettt – Rock, my crew = rocks = – Toph (Chriss Eggers = rocks). theres a few more but i aint spioll no beans …..
JO deeve vore – ROCK!!!
anyhoo,. game was good, no drunk Don/LUWA-i dont do that-NG hecking, but still chill,
clean game, back and forth, we took half, lots of grindr points, really batllet. ballet.
we won the long wones, Martell scarrry team, Tattoo poach and score AYVeryware
judge rock handlerSo many sleeper picks on this team. cant believe we beat them
ummmm oh yeah, swlfie time,
(swoard = pool noodle/brrom handle, feather duster, poster board paint = $4 + love/craetive @ dollar store) shart head walmart like 20$..?
oyh yeah, bar we won? nah.,.,..martlel won…i tried, but failed to JODEEVORE, 3 thrreeee captains!!!>???n not fair fare
my team , fukcing rockstars. JOSH straight up checked me twice, true captain/steady hand, on my poor play.
rest of my team, aint tellign ya’ll nuthing, all 18 are secret weapons. SHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ok, fading fast, so glad we made MJ legal, CALI4LYFE
NAY is the best captain you could ever want. better then your c0-cap…..excpet maybe C. Betz, I only live in her shadow.
Sincerurly … David Alejandrow Reed
Email 2 – 2:20AM
also, i hand painted that shield….fuck your amazon bought team banners, Tarth, fuck you’r house.
think ya beeta than me!>>??
RIP BIG PAPI
,, PS GO 0’s
Email 3 – 2:32AM
also,….it;s 230 am in studio city r now and people are seettting off fire works….WTF, i mean, i dig it it, but really?! Saturn Missiles were my jam …but 4’O july is how many weeks away? guess, i’m not that patriotic…
Email 4 – 2:35AM
also,….move over Lu Wang.. B.M DeVore is now OFFICIALLY the hottest guy in L.a…..SOCAL Ultimate…..for a NUMBER
Email 5 – 2:35AM
Email 6 – 2:47AM
on a more serious note, Alyssa and I had a short, but good conversation on the value of playing zone and the importance of women in 6v6/3:3 ultimate at the bar after. She brought up some excellent points on the subtleties of running a women-triangle zone (that wasn’t actually run). Nay and I also considered a similar zone tactic. Junk-ish some might call it? (I recalled Jane being very perturbed one year at a guy telling her she needed to use her women more in a game with LOTS of poaching) In Mixed poaching will be exploited. In League/pickup …not so much
I think the female triangle is the only effective “zone” that can be run in 3:3…..though Martell is one of the few teams that could effectively dismantle that “zone”
I’ve thought a lot of the adjustments for 3:3. So far the big take away is there is WAY more deep space open – duh.
Not heard of any team playing zone yet (low wind in LA). I think zone can work, but it’s got to be modified for 3:3. Really curious to see if a team tries it in the next few weeks. Normally there are a handful of zone heavy teams in summer league.
Deep thoughts by,
Reed not Handy
Email 7 – 2:59AM
(This one was just for me. It was very touching and sincere, and clearly influenced by massive intoxication.)
Email 8 – 3:24AM
ok, back to ReedCAp….
who was the first butler that ever did it…like…the butler-did-it did it? Agatha Christie? or liek earlier? Who first got murdered by their butler in history or real life or fiction ?!?!
Email 9 – 4:38AM
BM Devore at Joxer,s
Email 10 – 5:11AM
Bar conversations drifted on competitive tag.. I think Hoover Vs. Sully or Brandon Severson v. Deeve would be the most entertaining LAOUT matchup to watch.
That just looks dangerous. Somebody needs to sign a waiver.
Not sure I can really comment on the rest. I mean, how do you describe a Rembrandt? You’d only lessen it by your inferior opinions. So I shall refrain and just let the masterpiece exist on its own merit.
And now, here’s DeVore Martell with something a little more palatable:
Martell vs Tarth, a match-up where fans of the show only care about one character of each house. Oberyn vs Brienne. I’ve heard that House Martell is much more interesting in the books, but I wouldn’t know. As one would expect, this game pitted the flair and style of Martell against the proficiency and strength of Tarth.
Tarth made the honorable move of switching from pink to white and letting Martell show off the orange. Side note, I never thought that orange could be such a fashionable color before this year. I asked for highlights and lowlights from our team and our first ambiguous memorable point was “jorts”. So far we are at a jorts count of 2. Still needs some work…
Martell starts on offense and after a few turnovers from each team we convert to hold on the first point. Tarth comes back firing on all cylinders. Their ho stack looks smooth, but we force a turnover only to hand the disc back on an errant end zone throw. Tarth capitalizes and scores. This was really the story of the game. Our defense was strangling their offense and our handler movement was smooth, but we had trouble continuing the movement downfield. Once we get that piece of our offense, we’ll be a scary opponent to face. We call an early timeout to talk about vert stack cutting. This bring us to our second theme of the night comes in “look back at it.”
We show that we are a formidable team and are deep, having every member on the field touch the disc and quickly scoring. This happened 3 times throughout the night! After a tough fight, Tarth takes half 8-6. Tat is an absolute monster on the field, shutting down who she is marking and causing turnovers by putting pressure on other offensive players. TK made some great grabs throughout the night, scoring some goals and saving possession. It seems like the disc gets magnetically pulled to his hand and sticks there. I don’t know how he does it.
Second half, we turn up the bangerz and get our dance game on. We have stepped it up a lot since week 1 in this regard. Robbie really let the music take him away. Due to some dropsies from Martell, Tarth really pulled away in the second half to 15-8. There was debate at the bar on whether or not this was a blowout. Some people said it would have to be 2x the score? Who knows. Brienne knighted 2 members of Martell, Ser TK of Giant F@*?ing Oranges and Ser Weinberg of the Virgin State.
Shoutouts to Tarth: I didn’t get your name, but woman wearing the UCONN jersey was outworking everyone with her legs and grabbed everything that was thrown somewhat close to her.
Prerana was balling. Lots of great cutting downfield, smooth throws and a sick layout that ended up being contested, but still was awesome.
There was much merriment and rejoicing at the bar, which obviously Martell won. I’m sure there’s a Reed-cap covering lots of things, but probably nothing about what actually happened. Andy and Sam had their first picklebacks, which is the drink of choice in Dorne!
I ain’t no pickleback girl.
According to USAU’s algorithm, 15-7 is a blow-out. It’s 1/2 the score -1. So 15-7, 13-6, 11-5 and so on.
What was involved in the knighting process? According to my scant amount of research, knighting involves a ritual bath on the eve of the ceremony. Did that take place? And among the oaths a knight would have to swear included:
A Knight would be on time for any engagement of arms, like a battle or tournament.
And thus, no Ultimate player can be a Knight.
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